Navigation

Lifestyle

Goal Setting That Actually Sticks: A Realistic Approach

Why Traditional Goal Setting Falls Apart The Foundation: Know Your Why (The Real One) Start Stupidly Small Systems Beat Goals Every Time The Progress Principle Design Your Environment The Power of Identity Shifts Accountability That Actually Helps When Life Happens (Because It Will) The Review That...
Jul 06, 2025
8 min read

New Year’s resolutions. Mid-year resets. Monday fresh starts. How many times have you set goals with the best intentions, only to find yourself in the same spot three months later? If you’re raising your hand, welcome to the club. I was a card-carrying member for years.

Here’s what finally clicked: the problem isn’t you. It’s not your willpower, motivation, or character. The problem is how we’ve been taught to set goals. All those “dream big or go home” mantras? They’re setting us up to fail. Let me show you what actually works.

Why Traditional Goal Setting Falls Apart

Traditional goal setting goes something like this: Pick something huge. Get really motivated. Go hard for two weeks. Burn out. Feel guilty. Abandon goal. Repeat next January. Sound familiar?

This happens because we’re trying to change everything at once. We’re setting goals from a place of who we think we should be, not who we actually are. We’re focusing on the outcome instead of the process. No wonder it doesn’t stick.

The Foundation: Know Your Why (The Real One)

Everyone talks about finding your “why,” but let’s get specific. Your real why isn’t what sounds good to others. It’s the thing that matters when you’re tired, stressed, and Netflix is calling.

I used to say I wanted to run because “it’s healthy.” That why got me exactly nowhere. My real why? I wanted to keep up with my energetic niece at the park. That image got me out the door when “health” felt too abstract.

Dig deeper. Then dig again. Your real why might surprise you.

Start Stupidly Small

This is where people roll their eyes, but hear me out. You want to meditate for 20 minutes? Start with one breath. Want to write a novel? Start with one sentence. Want to get fit? Start with one push-up.

I know it feels too small. That’s exactly why it works. Small actions don’t trigger your brain’s resistance. They slide under the radar. One push-up becomes two, becomes ten, becomes a habit. But it starts with being willing to do something so small it feels silly.

Systems Beat Goals Every Time

“Lose 20 pounds” is a goal. “Pack gym clothes every Sunday and Wednesday night” is a system. See the difference? Goals are about outcomes you can’t directly control. Systems are about actions you can control every single day.

When I shifted from “write a book” to “write for 15 minutes each morning,” everything changed. The book happened, but more importantly, I became someone who writes daily. The system created the identity, and the identity made the goal inevitable. This approach works for any habit—like starting with simple morning rituals that gradually transform your entire day.

The Progress Principle

Perfect is the enemy of done. It’s also the enemy of started, continued, and finished. Progress beats perfection every single time. Missed a day? Progress says “back at it tomorrow.” Perfection says “might as well quit.”

I track progress, not perfection. Three workouts this week when I planned five? That’s three more than zero. That’s progress. Celebrating small wins isn’t participation trophy culture—it’s brain science. Your brain loves rewards and will seek more of what gets celebrated.

Design Your Environment

Willpower is overrated. Environment design is underrated. Want to eat better? Put fruits at eye level and hide the cookies. Want to read more? Put a book on your pillow so you have to move it to get in bed. Want to check your phone less? Charge it in another room.

I call this “making the right thing the easy thing.” When your environment supports your goals, you don’t need superhuman discipline. You just need to not actively sabotage yourself. It’s the same principle behind organizing a small space—when everything has its place, life flows more smoothly.

The Power of Identity Shifts

This changed everything for me: stop setting goals about what you want to achieve. Start setting goals about who you want to become. Not “run a marathon” but “become a runner.” Not “write a book” but “become a writer.”

Actions flow from identity. When you see yourself as a runner, skipping a run feels wrong. When you see yourself as a writer, not writing feels uncomfortable. The goal becomes maintaining who you are, not forcing yourself to do something foreign.

Accountability That Actually Helps

Accountability isn’t about shame or pressure. Good accountability is having someone who asks, “How can I support you?” not “Why haven’t you done it yet?”

Find your accountability style. Some people need a buddy doing it with them. Others need someone to report to. Some just need someone who believes they can do it. I text a friend every time I complete my morning routine. Not for praise, just for connection. It works.

When Life Happens (Because It Will)

Your goal-setting system needs a Plan B. And a Plan C. Because life will throw curveballs. You’ll get sick. Work will explode. Family needs will arise. This isn’t failure—it’s reality.

I have three levels for every goal: Ideal (what I do when life is smooth), Adjusted (what I do when things get hectic), and Minimum (what I do to keep the habit alive). Having these levels means I never fully stop, even when I can’t go full speed.

The Review That Makes the Difference

Set it and forget it doesn’t work with goals. Weekly reviews changed my success rate dramatically. Every Sunday, I ask: What worked? What didn’t? What needs adjusting?

This isn’t judgment time. It’s curiosity time. Didn’t work out this week? Get curious about why. Too tired? Maybe morning workouts aren’t for you. Too busy? Maybe the goal needs scaling down. The review helps you adjust before you quit.

Seasonal Goals > Annual Goals

Annual goals are overwhelming. By February, December feels like a different lifetime. I set seasonal goals now—90 days feels manageable but meaningful.

Spring might be about building energy and trying new things. Summer about adventure and connection. Fall about learning and preparation. Winter about reflection and rest. Goals that align with natural rhythms feel less like fighting yourself and more like flowing with life.

The Goal Stack Method

Instead of scattered goals, I stack them. Want to read more and walk more? Audiobooks on walks. Want to connect with friends and eat better? Cooking parties. Want to learn something new and commute mindfully? Educational podcasts.

Stacking isn’t about doing more. It’s about doing things smarter. When goals support each other, they feel less like a juggling act and more like a lifestyle.

Celebrate Like You Mean It

We’re terrible at celebrating ourselves. We hit a milestone and immediately look at how far we still have to go. Stop that. Celebration isn’t vanity—it’s fuel.

Finished week one of your new habit? Celebrate. Read for five days straight? Celebrate. Chose the salad? Celebrate. These aren’t participation trophies. They’re evidence that you’re becoming who you want to be.

The Permission to Pivot

Sometimes a goal stops serving you. Maybe your priorities shift. Maybe you realize it was someone else’s goal all along. You’re allowed to change your mind. You’re allowed to pivot. You’re allowed to choose differently. Learning to let go of what doesn’t serve you is part of creating boundaries that protect your energy and time.

Quitting a goal that no longer aligns with your values isn’t failure. It’s growth. The only real failure is continuing something that makes you miserable because you said you would six months ago.

Your Next Right Step

Forget the perfect plan. Forget the ideal timeline. Forget what worked for your friend or that influencer you follow. What’s one small thing you want to be different in your life? Who’s the person who would have that thing?

Start there. Start tiny. Start imperfectly. Start with systems, not outcomes. Start with identity, not achievements. Start with progress, not perfection.

Because goals that actually stick don’t come from motivation or willpower or the perfect planner. They come from becoming the kind of person who does the thing you want to do. And becoming starts with one small action, repeated until it’s just who you are.

What’s your one small action going to be today? Not tomorrow. Not Monday. Today. Because the best goals aren’t the ones we set—they’re the ones we start.

Share this article

Add Comment

No comments yet. Be the first to comment!

More from Lifestyle